Apply now to be my valentine

Pros include:

• No one else wants to be your valentine so why not?

• I have 24 years of experience in pretending other people are funny so I'll laugh at your joke

• My ideal date includes seeing the Sonic the Hedgehog movie and then going to Taco Bell

• I might tweet about it in the future

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Cons include:

• I will literally only talk to you on February 14th (could be a pro?)

• I will drink more Baja Blast than you

• Literally everything else

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Apply now! Applications close on February 14th.